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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Bridges

It takes time to build good rapport with people around you. Some longer than others. For me, it's LONG. It's a personal thing, I don't open up to people quickly. I think it's because I'm afraid to invest my sentiments in someone until I am certain he/she will not disappoint me. Call it phobia, for I've had my share of heart-shattering (oh, the drama!) disappointments before, more than I deserve, I dare say (only because it's my blog). That, or I still have remnants of insecurities inside me. But once I start caring, it's a long-lasting relationship that I'd cherish deeply.

Recently in my life, many different people have come and go. Our encounters ranged from one week to a few months. Trust me, it's not a good thing like "Oh, I get to meet new people frequently, so it's awesome!". I NEED to have and maintain good relationships with these people. Let's just say it's crucial for my daily survival (and sanity).

So it was building bridges after bridges - some with only the foundations done, some with only the substructures up, and some with only paintings left to do. Some were completed but were never put to use. While others were only used for a while before the other end of the bridge became obsolete.

It's emotionally tiring to be building all these bridges, hopes flying high that the bridge was coming out so beautifully only to discover it will never be used, or used for long. It has become difficult to stay motivated to build new quality bridges while wondering how long before the other end decides to leave.

It started with just one, then two, then four, and now almost all the people I trust are leaving. It has come to a point where I have become the stranger in the room. With so many things in my hands, building so many new bridges at the same time is no easy feat. The disappointment from being abandoned by the trusted ones certainly is not making it any easier.

This is really a total opposite to my last one. Every bit of it.