Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Desperately Homesick

Sometimes, I don't realise how homesick I was. Everyday has become a routine where I am programmed to do certain things under certain situations in certain times. I tend not to feel anymore, because when I do, it's almost always negative feelings.

So it is only when something good happen to me that I let myself feel again. Last month, Big Bro came to Singapore for a work trip. I only got to know about it the very evening he arrived. Just when I was about to knock-off from work, I saw a missed call from Big Bro. I returned the call only to be pleasantly surprised when he told me he was in town and we could meet up for dinner. I was swarmed by such rush of excitement. Come to think of it...I hadn't seen any of my family members since Chinese New Year in end February. Actually, that was just three months ago. It sure felt a lot longer than that...

Anyways. So after dinner with Big Bro at Wheelock Place, I had the choice of taking Bus No. 106 from Orchard Boulevard straight home. But I didn't want to part with Big Bro so soon, so I walked with him all the way back to Trader's Hotel. And when we parted, I felt overwhelmingly sad. Only then did I realise how much homesickness and loneliness I'd been suppressing inside.

Now, Lil Bro says he wanna come visit Singapore during his summer holidays. It will be another thing for me to really look forward to. Of course, there are the HTC Desire phone casings I bought from Amazon.co.uk, which was delivered to his UK address, that I am eager to start using. And also the fact that by the time he is in Singapore, I'd be on holiday too. But that doesn't mean I'm not eager to see him. I am already planning to re-experience Singapore with him before leaving this country for good (which involves a pair of good walking shoes and a digital camera).

Sometimes, I really wanted to call home, but the truth is I didn't have anything to talk about. Not on the phone. The truth is I just wanted to hear any of their voices.

I'm really glad it's all coming to an end soon. All the years of numbing homesickness and loneliness. All of it.


Auron Declan said...

hang in there...you'll get to be with them very soon. Meanwhile, enjoy Singapore while can before you're leaving for good.

kaioucat said...

Thanks, Spikey.
Hey, we should go yamcha in KL next time.

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