Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Feeling Oh So Wonderful

Today, hope came back to me.

It all started last Friday. I woke up that day still unsure about my plans to return to Malaysia. I barely started thinking about it seriously. Firstly, I wasn't 100% sure I am leaving, and even if I was, I wasn't sure when I will be leaving. All I know is my employment bond in Singapore ends this June and there are plenty of things I need to take care of before leaving.

Then my bosses assigned me a new project worth tens of millions of dollars that spans over a few years. I was caught unprepared. I didn't know if I should tell them right away that I might be leaving. For one, I wasn't sure and furthermore, this new project is a thumpin' good career opportunity for me. I must admit it did tempt me to stay.

I had a hard time trying to concentrate the rest of the day. The sudden surge of information did not make it any easier for me to digest. But I had one clear thought in my mind - that no matter what, I should never decide something as important as my career (and life) path in such an impromptu manner.

So I decided to swallow my guilty feelings and continue to listen to my assignment briefing. That night, I met up with colleagues for a movie and then a meal...all while trying to suppress the urge to disclose my dilemma - not until I have given it much thought on my own.

I spent the whole weekend thinking about it. Well, basically it's just the Saturday. Sunday was spent trying to figure out how best to tell my boss what I decided on Saturday - that is to quit in July.

Come Monday, I told the boss. I was asked to reconsider it.

Today, I went back and told him again that I am sticking to my decision.

Today, it became official.

There's probably no turning back anymore for me now. The idea of returning to Malaysia for good has become so much more real now. I am so relieved now that THE decision has finally been made, after much procrastination.

I guess fate had its way in forcing me to make this decision. That big project was a tool to nudge me to the edge and make the jump.

Oddly, though...amidst all this excitement, I can sense an onset of heavy-heartedness. I don't doubt one bit that I will miss this place and even the job. The question is...how much?


James T said...

great to hear settled this amicably =P it's always raa great relief once you'd clear the air...

Anonymous said...

i will miss you when u go back =( but i'm happy for u and will always supoprt your decision. =(


kaioucat said...

That's really sweet, Laila. I will definitely miss u too. But hey, I'm not going anywhere yet. Not until July!

Anyways, shhhh...

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